Captivating.

Last year I read a book titled: Captivating by Stasi Eldgredge (thank you, Ashley).

I have written quotes to hang up on my car door, on my bathroom mirror, especially one in particular: "There are things you've struggled with all your life--self-doubt, anger, depression, shame, addiction, fear.  You probably thought that those were your fault, too.  But they are not. They came from the Enemy who wanted to take your heart captive, make you a prisoner of darknesss.  To be sure, we complied.  We allowed those strongholds to form when we mishandled our wounds and made those vows.  but Jesus has forgiven us for all of that, and now he wants to set us free." (Captivating).

This has become my favorite quote of all time.  I have found myself in that bitterness and feeling of guilt that I have done something wrong- and there's nothing I can do about it.... I'm not a true woman for what I did, I am worthless and I don't matter.  Liar.

I lie to myself... I stress myself out over things that are false and blown way out of proportion.

I am a beautiful woman, I am wonderfully made... there is nothing that God cannot understand about me.  God sees my mind and understands where I'm coming from... sometimes I feel like the retard who doesn't understand anything - yeah, I can poke fun at it, and yes, God sees that I'm not top notch, but who cares.  

God knows that I want to be pursued.  That's a huge thing I learned from Captivating is that God knows that women want to be pursued and loved.  God is ultimate love.  God will pursue us, and give us all that we need/could ever want.

When your heart is content with God, you will truly see the captivating side of you.... and that is my goal- is to be okay with my quirks and failures, and realize I am still captivating.