dear blog readers,

i have officially decided

to "resign" from bekinderthannnecessary.

i have had this blog since 2009.

i believe it is time to move on...

my new blog address:

rebeccavold.wordpress.com

come read on some fresh thoughts! :)

thanks for reading on here

for so long! 

xoxoxo

draw your line

i have been slightly obsessed with

listening to beth moore podcasts lately.

her lessons and words mold together

to create such beauty and truth.

i am in awe.

one she was speaking about was:

revisiting regret.

how we can walk away from

something that we did,

and yet get back into

the mind of

"I'm sorry, Lord. I'm sorry.

I was so wrong.

I am a sinner."

story of my life.

the regrets of things 

that were committed 

years ago, still haunt.

but you know what she said?

she said...

then next time you want to

say that you're sorry for that

sin, don't.

say instead:

"thank you."

Thank you for redeeming me,

Thank you for setting me free,

Thank you for loving me.

Satan will not want to

be around you any longer.

he.will.lay.off.you.

will you draw that line?
when is enough of

being regretful?
are you ready to move on?
i know i am.

that is all.

xoxoxo

I was reading anne jackson's blog this morning, and her words hit home.

she wrote about a sermon that she heard months ago.

the pastor was talking about the waves of an ocean on the shore.

they slowly make the sand smoother and easier to stand upon.

he took this illustration, and applied it to a persons heart.

anne jackson talked about her own heart. her heart was prickled

and hard to stand upon.

She kept on repeating one line the pastor had said: "The slow and inefficient work of God."

--we need to let God be those waves--

we need to trust God and let Him smooth out those prickles, and

sharp edges in our hearts.

He can do that. He is the ocean waves that slowly works and smooths on our hearts. 

bring that illustration with you.

peace.

tears in sight; good byes are not easy.

I was originally planning on posting during the camp, but no, that never seemed to happen.

I started many posts, and then realized what time it was, and went to bed.

I had an amazing two weeks. It was hard to get up every morning,

be at school by 8 (just like 2 weeks of school), be enthusiastic, and push myself through the days.

We went from 8am until 6pm. It was crazy. I realized how much I needed to rely on God for energy, patience, and kindness.

I get: ornery, tired, and impatient. Easily. It was a stretch for me. 

I found myself singing along to ktis whenever I was driving, reading my bible for something to remember each day...it was a growing experience. It was not this hard last year (to be as honest as I can).

A lot of that had to do with the age group. They were younger than last years group. It took that much effort.

All in all, I will miss them deeply. My small group was so sweet, kind, and considerate. I love them.

Last night was the closing ceremony. After the ceremony, I was not expecting tears at all. I didn't think they had as much fun as they actually did have. One of my girls could not stop crying. I drove her home, and she cried all the way home. It meant so much to me.

I think Monday will be very hard to see them leave. I know God has given them all a plan for coming here...and I just appreciate prayers for travels, and for changed hearts as they look back on their time here.

here is a picture of my small group and I:

This is us at the Capitol.

From the left: Betty, me, Tina, and Elten in the front.

have a fantabulous weekend.

xoxo

blessings.

.friends.

i have been struggling.

i have been in pain.

i recently have found out:

-i cannot play soccer this fall

+

-go to joni camp this summer

all because of the ACT.

these are things that i have been:

1) training for

2) preparing for

3) passionate about

4) looking forward to

5) planning for

and all of those:

plans, passions, excitement, etc have been wiped from me.

it is so hard to explain to others.

it is so hard for them to understand.

it has been hard.

some don't understand.

some do.

some have reached out.

some have closed doors.

some have comforted.

some have walked away.

i have been hurt.

i don't know why

God's will for me

was to suck at

test taking.

i maybe will never know.

but i want to say this:

through the decisions,

a huge amount of praying, reading my Bible, and journaling have

gone through the processing.

i have grown.

now, laura story sings a song: blessings.

 this song has helped me realize that God is on my side.

He, in reality, is blessing me. and i am just blind to it.

He will reveal, He will prevail.

What if your blessings count the rain drops?

What if your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you are near?

What if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise? 

When friends betray us,

When darkness seems to win, 

We know the pain, reminds this heart

THIS IS NOT, THIS IS NOT OUR HOME

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for YOU." --1 Thessalonians 5:16-19

it's still hard to know i won't be fighting with the team that i have been

telling for over a year..."I am so excited to play and defend on this team."

it is still hard to know that the camp i have worked at for 3 summers straight,

i will not be attending. the camp where i grow tremendously. where i see

how much i have...how much people with disabilities give me a passion.

God's children.

but...i have God on my side. this is not my home, eternal life is coming. + my healing has come through many tears,

processing, praying, talking, and...listening.

lean on Him for life.

love you.

Sunday's bringings...

Hola. Buenas noches.

I have not blogged in a while.

Today I got a lot accomplished.

From start to finish:

--Woke up

--Got ready

--Starbucks run

--Church service

--Came home and cleaned

--Ate brunch

--Went to GOODWILL (and got outfits for F2F camp)

--Came home and found out my phone was bust

--Went to At&t store w//daddy and got a crapola phone

--Came home, ate a little snack

--Went to OC house and babysat!!

--Deposited check

--Came home and talked w//my momma

--Showered

--Did my nails

--Now I am sitting in bed just relaxing =)

I am so excited for Language camp to start tomorrow!!

organic granola w//raisins cereal, blueberry yogurt, and chopped bananas with a cup of coffee for brunch. super super super good. mmmm.

peace + love

Whoever

is of God hears the words of God. The reason

why you do not hear them is that you are not

of God.

--john 8:47

convicting of my own heart.
i am praying for a softened,
worshipful heart.

peace.

a lot of journals and thoughts later.....

dear friends,

i have some thoughts for you.

i have been constantly journaling about this

+

processing it, too, by living it out every  day.

this year has brought lots of change.

a lot of pain,

a lot of trust,

a lot of recreating,

a lot of prayers,

a lot of change.

in january,

everything that i knew and was familiar with

was taken away from me.

everything that i thought was safe and healthy,

was dangerous and far from healthy.

i had to start from ground zero.

no experience to go off of,

no one to confide in about this.

i was alone, afraid, and frustrated.

but, a lot of good has come out of it.

this year spiritually has challenged me.

journaling has been such an escape for me.

i have spiritually grown as a person through journaling.

i have been healing through reading scripture and journaling about it.

a new thing arose in my daily life.

and this brings me to my main point:

there are different seasons to life.

this has been a season of trusting, healing, and rebuilding.

although, to open another season you have to close the other season.

that has always been the hardest part for me.

closing what has happened.

closing the old things.

packaging them away.

it pains me, because change is hard.

it was extremely hard for me to package up that friendship and put it away.

so much had changed. and i hated it.

through processing and journaling, though, i was slowly able to move away from it,

put that season away, and take the new things that i was learning.

i am not saying i have it all figured out still, because i don't.

but i am going to say:

-i have bore more fruit than ever

-i have been able to open up a secret part of my life to 4 trusted people

-i have found my TRUE identity

-i have had some really hard times--feeling alone in a circle of friends

-i have felt really good and encouraged

-i have been able to stop being a people pleaser (sort of)

-i have been able to move on

and now i just have this remarkable story as God has been teaching me all of this:

recently i have been trying to clean out the messiest things in my room: my dressers, my closet, beside my bed, and my desk. i also realized that i was going to need a lot of boxes and things if i were going to want to keep things organized. on my desk i have this crazy assortment of cards i have received from people all over. i for some reason have never been able to take them down and put them into a box for storage. i finally realized that i needed to just that very thing. i took cards that had been sitting there for maybe even 4 years, and put them into a box and thought of how this represented a new season. putting things from the past can be so hard to put away because of how much they have meant to you, but a new season is here. a new season of life has so much to offer to you. embrace it and don't miss it while you're reflecting so much on the past, there is new to come.

there is my long post about things i have been processing and journaling about since

january. it's about time it came out.

peace

i just need to blog....

hello friends!

this past week was a lot of fun @ silver beach (covenant pines) with the buezis family.

this past week i did a lot of: journaling, reading, wake boarding, knee boarding, swimming, sleeping, swatting @ bugs, etc. it has been quite the week!

 i am happy, though, to be home. there is no place like home.

 i went to church this morning and sat with my tie dye shirt, fun skirt family i was with all week :).

i also loved being with a friend today who is so real and honest.

she is place that is safe to be. i know i can be raw, too.

we went to the hamel parade today as well. so much fun.

tonight i went to the upper room church service again.

it was awesome.

the message was on ezekiel. hope. encouragement. the spirit as a gift.

very cool message.

when i got home until about now i have been just talking to my mom about silver beach

and a lot of other conversations that i have been meaning to have with her.

it was great to catch up with my momma. i love her.

now, i am going to go to sleep with this wonderful storm.

tomorrow::

-sylvan testing @ 9

-cleaning

-laundry

-run 2 miles

peace

silver beach tomorrow?!

well i am posting one more time before i go to sleep,

and better yet...leave tomorrow morning for SILVER BEACH!

i am so excited. this will be my third consecutive summer going to

silver beach with the buezis family.

i'll just tell you a little about my day first:

--church

--met someone for lunch

--went to target to get last minute items

--packed all afternoon

--went to upper room church service with a friend

--went to cub

--came home and packed some more

--now i'm blogging

here's some pics that sum up my sunday.

 Messin with the mac...

 sick and tired of packing....

 beachy waves!

 again..messing around

bye! i'll blog when i get back!

love you.

peace out.

green monsters!

yesterday i had my first green monster since i was home from panama.

let me tell you, it was delicious...

home grown spinach, coconut milk, a perfect banana, and some protein powder.

i.was.in.heaven.

 one big cup of pure enjoyment...

mmmm!

happy sunday night!

is shopping a yay or nay?

i am a thrift store shopper, yes i am.

i am a clearance rack shopper, yes i am.

i.never.buy.things.full.price.ever.

why even?

so yesterday i found myself @ plato's closet...and then @ good will. yes, good will.

i am not ashamed. i am so proud of my purchases there! 

 puma athletic shoes...$13 @ platos!

 3 bathing suits from good will. $2 dollars each. no.joke.

a ukulele for $2, and a water bottle for 99 cents!

so proud of my purchases!

and i also got a pair of gap jean capris from platos...$8!

 xoxo

 This is Reece and Gavin. I love them.

 This is Nolan. My favorite four year old on the planet.

 They decided to have a kool aid stand.

 Nolan.

 Gavin.

Lindsay's softball game to wrap up Thursday.

peace.

i.love.saturday.

Good morning!

Just before I go babysit I want to share with you,

what God shared with me.

He heals the brokenhearted

And binds up their wounds.

He determines the number of the stars;

he gives to all of them their names.

Great is our Lord, and abundant in

power;

his understanding is beyond measure.

--Psalm 147:3-5--

There are things in this life that make me broken.

They break my heart, they seem like the end of the world.

God, takes those, and binds them up.

He is such a good God. He cares for us like no one else will.

When you look up at the sky,

know that God has determined all of those stars

And every.single.one.has.a.name.

Just like us. He has given each of us a name.

And the best part is: He knows who we are.

And a number of us, on a more personal level.

Our God is powerful,

He can create or destroy something so easily.

He can put to shame or bring new life.

His power is unheard of...

My favorite part of this verse, though, is 

how it goes on to say...his understanding is beyond measure.

His power is so strong that his understanding
goes beyond anything. 

We need not worry when someone

does not understand us,

When we feel alone,

because Jesus does understand. 

His understanding goes BEYOND ANYONE OR ANYTHING.

I hope you can reflect on these verses just like me this morning!

have a beautiful saturday!

xoxo

But

I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as

the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his 

perfect patience as an example to those who 

were to believe in him for eternal life. To the

King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God,

be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

--1 Timothy 1:16-17--

I want to::

--practice patience

--be that example of patience

--proclaim i have been saved by Jesus Christ

--remember that he is constant...always.

ta ta for now!

xoxo

some currents.......

--reading: the secret life of bees
--drinking: agua
--eating: dry cereal w//blueberries
--packing for: silver beach//cov pines!
--listening to: the honey trees
--taking: photo booth pictures j cause it makes my heart happy =) (look below for pics)!

 The start of this evenings awesome storm!

 precious agua.

 healthy nite snack!

Peace

++love!

you.are.for.me.

So faithful

So constant

So loving and so true

So powerful in all you do

You fill me

You see me

You know my every move

You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me

I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness

-Kari Jobe

terrific tuesday.

Today was a great day! I heart tuesday..and I am so excited to tell you about it.

I woke up @ 730. made coffee, made a bagel, got ready....went to captains practice. Fitness day. Worked out gooood. Then I came back home, some people came over for a good while...i got the worst headache to man kind. Then i finally was able to rest for a while and it went away (thank goodness)! then I went to michaels, got some white t-shirts, and then went to the virginia house! it was a blast. we tie dyed, played a new fun and hilarious game! and many other things. 

i pretty much had an amazing tuesday.

it is very late and i have a practice ACT tomorrow @ sylvan. and then lunch with sunni&kate.

wish me luck!

then music in plymouth, and then some other exciting event : ).

ill blog more later.

ta ta for now!

xoxo

.Healer.

You hold my every moment

You calm my raging seas

You walk with me through every fire

And heal all my disease

I trust in you

I trust in you

I believe,

You're my healer

I believe,

You are all I need

I believe,

You're my portion

I believe,

You're more than enough for me

 --kari jobe

I remember someone telling me complete words of wisdom....He will take that, heal you, if you let him, but you need to let Him come in first. Take down that wall. Let it go, stop holding onto something worthless.

I seriously see every day how God wants to heal me. I see different ways every day. I see that He loves me. I see that he wants me to love myself. I see that. 

Break down your walls. Let go. Give up. It's not worth fighting on your own.

Hola! Monday Morning has arrived!

It started off a little rainy, but thank goodness that has subsided! (for now at least).

I have been drinking my cup of cafe, and I opened up my journal and started to read the memories from Panama. i.miss.it.so.much.

I literally would do anything to go back right now.

It just reminded me of how much I need to pray for them.

I went on to opening my bible to Psalm 32. I was planning on talking about the rest of the chapter, but I only got a verse further. It is enough for one day.

I will teach and instruct you in the way

you should go;

I will counsel you with my eye upon

you.

//Psalm 32:8\\

God, before the creation of the world, predestined our lives.

He knew he was going to instruct us. He keeps His eyes upon us. He shows us the right vs. the wrong.

And He counsels us.

I am going to just dwell on the verse for today...and let you dwell on it, too!

I'll blog about some thoughts on it later!

Have a wonderful day & week.

hugs and love,

rebecca c

Some things I have decided.

 A haircut (clean up) today was a won da fal idea!

My hair will be so ready for senior pictures! BRING IT!

 I.<3.running.

 I am addicted to water.

i heart tom's of maine toothpaste and deodorant.

 i.have.amazing.people.in.my.life.

heart you girls!

i have also decided::

--sitting on the deck and reading is simply wonderful

--i will grow grow grow when i read my Bible every day...and apply myself :)

--it's night time and i'm very tired

xoxoxoooo

anne.jackson.

there is this lady. i have talked about her before...and her name is anne jackson.

her blog is simply amazing. i seriously encourage you to read her blog: annejacksonwrites.com

she is so wise! she is raw...she is amazing. seriously please read in on her stuff. you will be blown away.

that is all i have to say.

xoxo.

Psalm 32.

this morning i woke up (later for once...930..haha). I got my coffee brewing, I got my Bible and journal out and I read Psalm 32 (or part of it). I was never familiar with this passage before, and I love how the ESV puts it. 

Psalm 32:1-7

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,

whose sin is covered.

Blessed is the man against whom the Lord

counts no iniquity,

and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

For when I am kept silent, my bones wasted away

through my groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy

upon me;

my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.

Selah

I acknowledged my sin to you,

and I did not cover my iniquity;

I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,"

and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.

Selah

 Therefore let everyone who is godly 

offer a prayer to you at a time when you

 may be found;

surely in the rush of great waters,

they shall not reach him.

You are a hiding place for me;

you preserve me from trouble;

you surround me with shouts of deliverance.  

Selah

--Psalm 32:1-7

This passage encouraged me. It encouraged me to tackle and admit my sin RIGHT after it happens. I remember my bible teacher talking this year, and he said..."You know how after you sin you feel like you have to wait a while until you confess?" --It is SO TRUE! I have felt that way countless times. I feel like I have to wait until the next day...or week...or month...or even year. No, gosh no, right after you sin you can talk directly to God...seeking forgiveness and strength to try harder. I think that is the biggest issue that I had when I was struggling my way through my blotchy part of my life. I was not asking for help right after I did those very things. I was not cleaning my heart right away...I was waiting and letting all of that build up inside of me. 

Blessed am I that my sin is forgiven. 

Blessed am I.

I cannot rid myself of the wretched power that sin had on me...I cannot rid myself of any of that.

Jesus needs to do that...and blessed am I to have a God who does that.

Blessed am I that I can admit my sin to Him..and takes His hand and He heals that hurt and pain.

:::Also, I want to encourage you to find someone who you can trust...or a couple of people and have them pray for you. It makes such a difference when you admit what you've done to someone else. A huge difference. On the panama mission trip I had the opportunity to do that. It was one of the most freeing experiences ever. It was such a hard thing to say- but the thing is that I did it. It is out there now, and I could never be more happier! 

In James it says: "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be HEALED. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." James 5:16

This is the verse that always killed me. I had not told anyone of my deepest, darkest secret. 

I would almost die inside every time I read this. 

God put the confidence in me to confess to someone else.

I do not think I would be healing the way I am if I hadn't. 

Hear me out, TELL SOMEONE ABOUT YOUR SECRETS. You will be rewarded. You will be amazed as to how much someone actually cares about you. You can hold something in as long as you want, but it will kill you. You will try to shove it away...you will try to forget about you...instead of healing from it. You will have a forever hole inside of you. It will not be healed. It needs to be healed.

That is my very long explaination to this mornings' reading.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

I am babysitting a new family today! I am very excited!

Then class bon fire...and class beach day tomorrow! Wahoo!

xoxo,

rebecca

Chilibre.....

Dear Chilibre,
I miss you. You have my heart. I really want to go back to you...yesterday.
Love,
me.

So..I told you I would post some pictures of Panama! Here they are!

 At the Indigenous Village!

 Learning our choreography

 Euma : )

 sweet, sweet Christopher!! Love that kid

 Coast Guard

 4 corners church

 After we had asked neighbors to come watch our preformance

 KEREN!! Sweetest thing ever!

 A bunch of the kids @ 4 corners

 tourism day

 @ the lake house

 watttaafalll

 HATTIE!

 Hanging out @ the chinese church!

 kids church on Sunday morning!

 with miyu @ the school!

 last night =((

 sweet ladies in the kitchen!

my small group on the trip =))

Right now I am just hanging out on the deck...reading a book...journaling...and enjoying the night. and in a little while I will go for a run =)

I am loving the weather. Have a great night and week!

~rebsters