Night pondering...

As I drink my night - time oj, I thought I'd share some thoughts with you.

As I've walked through my day today, I've hit a road block.

Emotions of frustration, hurt, and wondering.

I don't know what to do this summer, and it may not seem like a big deal... but I want to honor God.

I have the opportunity to go on a missions trip to Nicaragua with my church.  Someone has dropped out and one of my youth group leaders is asking me to simply fill out the application and see how I feel about it.  Now to some the whole thing about someone dropping out may be seem like my answer right there.  Although, to me, that isn't my full consent.

For the past three years I have worked at this camp I absolutely adore.  Northern Pines in green lake, Wisconsin.  

Not convinced?  

I love it there.  I know so much there.  The kids are my favorite, and I get to play, hang out, and love on them all I want.  They're mine for 6 days, and I love that.  

It's a place where is familiar.  A place I easily call home.

So out of my comfort zone do I go?

We're called to get away from where we feel home.

So let's go?

Let's no maybe.

Because I'm scared.

...................................................

Please pray.  

lovvvvve && lots of peace on this nice coming spring week!

<3 reBe

You mean I can't run away...?

I have picked up a new song that I really like by Colbie Caillat.  One of my all time favorite artists.  The song I am liking is: It ends today.

The whole song is complete genius.  Fighting our fears.  We can't keep running from the destination.  We can only run towards it.  We can't hide our pain, because it will find us.
The verses talk about not wanting to fall when we stand.  Do any of us want to fall when we stand up? No.  Is our solution to run away? A lot of times, yes.
We don't want to crawl into another hole.  We don't want accept help.  But help is what we need.

Don't run, accept the help you're given, because it's a blessing from God.
Turn around, try again.

Another note, Things are hard to accomplish.  Goals can fail.  I want to encourage you... If you have a goal, if you give into something, get back up on your feet.  Just like this says.  We will fail.  We'll miss the standard which we want to meet.  Don't run from your goal when you fail, that is true failure.  Instead, get back up on your feet, because all you need to keep going is taking the next step.

Peace & Love to you all this coming up weekend! Happy Friday Tomorrow!
~Rebe

Last week in February...

This month is taking it's close.

This week is just started.

Shortest.

Looooooongest.

Why is February the shortest in days of 28, and the longest in hours, minutes, seconds?

March awaits.

Something better, something brighter.

Spring is coming.

We impatiently wait at our window sill, waiting for our cold fingers to turn warm.

Summer, please?

..................................................

things to accomplish this week:

~studying for tests

~physical therapy/running!

~cleaning

~church

~serving the Lord with all I am

Have a blessed and beautiful week!

As I write...

I have been writing a paper (more like preparation for a paper) on wisdom since the beginning of school.  Everyone in the class got a word that which we had to research all of these things on it, highlight, slave over, group together, ect.
Well my word is wisdom.

I didn't think it fit me and who I am at all.

So as I began I highlighted all of these verses; grouped these verses of Solomon, Paul, David, ect...
I read more and more about these people and their wisdom.  I got to thinking... 'God why don't I have wisdom and understanding like them like my friends why do I always feel like the stupid one who doesn't comprehend these kinds of things?'
Little did I know what was happening...

God was teaching me some things.

All throughout this year he has taught me to be a better listener.  I was definitely scared at first... opening myself to something new.  I have never listened like i've listened this year.  I've observed and caught myself almost saying things when people are still talking... and I'm going, 'wow really, how could I be so rude?' People need a listening ear sometimes, and that's all they need.  They don't need profound and out of the ordinary words.  People just need you to listen.  To some, this may sound like an easy task.  Wrong.  When you tell people that they can call you whenever (even in the night), they will.  (Which I am ALL for, not saying it as a dread).  But you have to be willing to do that, give up some of your rest, which, may seem wimpy and easy, but not when maybe you have a test the next day, or when it's actually really happening.  You have to help them carry their load, and it's hard to hear awful and horrific stories... It can sink you down a little bit.  A think though I have learned.... It's all worth it.  There hasn't been a moment where I've told myself... 'why the crap are you doing this?'  I may grieve from the stories and hurt from their tears... but the thought of why I'm doing it has never crossed my mind.

I have learned and inherited much wisdom.

I love and dwell on the topic of forgiveness a lot... as some of you readers may know...  This year as well, I have encountered situations where I have been put in the position of forgiving some which are close to me, family.  In my heart I needed to forgive.  When I first heard some of these things I automatically judged.  I didn't want to let go of my grudge.  I didn't tell anyone.  I didn't let it get in the way, I was just going to keep it the way it was.  That soon caused problems - God thought otherwise... at the time, I was reading a book called "Captivating" by Stasi Eldredge.  Probably one of my all time fav books.  The next section was forgiveness.  It talked about self-forgiveness, and then forgiveness of others doings.  I thought... 'How could I be so judgmental and rude, when I have fallen so far myself?'  I was on a plane reading this... with little and quiet tears falling down my face.  God was healing me of my own failures through these, and in these.

I was learning wisdom.

One last thing... We all are learning wisdom constantly.  If there is one last thing that I could take away from this... We never stop learning wisdom.  We never ever can stop learning and gaining wisdom.  There isn't a point in life when we hit the jackpot and stop failing, stop holding grudges because we have gained and learned the max amount of wisdom.  No.  We never stop.  It's a blessing, though, to gain what we can and build what we do off of it.

I'll leave you crazy cats alone.  Sorry for the incredibly long post.  Please (and if you want), leave some feedback for my paper... you can totally go against what I said if you disagree, too.  Thanks!
Love you all!

Denial?

There are life changing pains going on in the souls of people.  Do we ignore the inevitable?  Are we in denial of our own pain?  Are we shoving our tears down and away?

What I've seen myself do this year, and continuing to do is this very thing.  I am listening and letting others talk, (which is not bad), but I get so consumed in that, that I let mine not matter.  I let my fine or okay be great to others.  Someone told me today she can see through me like a glass door.  Alas, she knows me very well.  Am I in denial?

The ugly truth, yes.  Many of us are in denial.  We think it's a good thing to hide our pains and mistakes away, not let those see what resides in us; what happened yesterday that is making our day suck so bad.  We make up something, and somehow make ourselves believe that is what truly happened.  And we're okay with it.  This shouldn't be the truth.  We shouldn't lie to others... do we have to talk to them about every aspect? No, but they deserve a honest answer.  When we ask/people ask us how we are, they are taking moments to see how we really are.  Although, many of us have subjected to hearing/saying "good", and if we were to say something else, some would be taken back.

Can we be honest?  Can we pray and listen to those who are hurting?  Can we be vulnerable with those we trust?  Can we dig out what we don't want to talk about?  Can we feel?  Do we experience any emotion?  We have the power to remove denial.

Thoughts on the mind

A song played on the radio today.  A more newer song; a song by Brandon Heath.
A line hit me hard.  "Love never gives up hope, when you have none..."


I'll blog about this more later.  But just some dwelling thoughts... Love is something that doesn't give up.  It always perseveres, always trusts, always encourages.  Do we demonstrate such love in such a loveless and hard society to live in?

peace