A decade lived...

10 years have come and gone

years I have faced and showed my challenges who is boss

but also, I have had failures

and what lies ahead is... another year

another year to succeed,  another year to fail

another year to dream, another year to stress

another year to try my hardest, another year to kick some butt

another year to see my flaws
another year to take action,  another year to realize

another year to try something new,  another year of obsessions

another year to rock,  another year to suck

another year to laugh,  another year to cry

another year to hang with friends,  another year to feel alone at times

another year to give the Lord all I have,  another year to feel like nothing is happening

another year, what are your resolutions?

There is one new years resolution I have, one which is going to be very important to me.  Sit & Listen.  Listen to others, listen to God; listen.  I tend to speak; tell whatever is in my mind, well this time, I'm listening.  I have already been challenged with this concept on a more personal level, this school year -- God has given me such people, stories, and lives to be involved in, people of which are in hurt.  They need someone to listen.

Also, I want to be listening to God.  I'm ready to have him look no more, and see that I am wanting to follow, I am ready to serve; He has plans beyond my reach, and I'm ready.  Will it be an easy path to live?  Will I want to leave the moment I enter?  ...maybe, but this life is journey.  Unexpected.  God sends things he knows we can go through, God wired us in such a way that makes us somehow come across these hard bumps, and push forward.  My God is strong.

maybe he will bring something hard this year.  will I be ready?

with his truth, love, and care by my side, yes I will.

other new years resolutions that I'm going to take one by one...

-be more conscious of my decisions

-don't waste so much time

-be more prepared at times

-be more willing to make mistakes

-be more loving

...and the list goes.  we'll never get to perfect, and i don't plan to, but there's always something to work and make better...

Happy 2010 to everyone! It's almost here! Love you all!!!

christmas break

I must say, Christmas break has been relaxing and fun.  It has been filled with joy, beauty, family, and love.  I have done many things so far, and I am looking forward to many other things next week, which will be nice.

What I have done-

-Been to a wedding

-Gotten surgery on my knee

-Been to physical therapy, and other appointments

-Done cookie baking with lovely ladies
-Baked/Frosted cookies with my family

-Watched the Office with my sister!!

-Had Christmas, which was wonderful!!!
-Seen many friends & family!
-Slept in
-Writing

Things I've yet to do-
-Read some good books!!
-Game nights
-Get season five of the Office
-Have sleep overs
-Sleep in much more
-Have lots of physical therapy
and much more!


Aside all of this, I have seen one, true, beautiful thing, by so many.  Especially my parents and my sister, also my friends:



I have seen selfless love.

I have been immensely blessed.

I am extremely gracious.

I am so thankful.

I had acl reconstruction surgery on Monday morning.  I was nervous, I won't lie.  But there aligned supportive and sweet nurses, my parents who prayed over me constantly, and very smart people who knew what they were doing.

People have taken time out of their day, to come and visit me.  It has blessed me, and I have completely appreciated it.

My mom has also been battling a cold and yet, she still wakes up in the middle of the night to remind me to take my pain killers, she's giving up her time, to make sure I'm okay.

My dad and my sister have also made me food, been with me, done so much for me.  I am incredibly blessed person, and I am so appreciative. 

I am humbled.

This is a great example of how unselfish love is displayed.  A lot of times I have a hard time of accepting gifts given to me.  I feel unworthy, and uncomfortable accepting gifts.  A good friend of mine told me I needed to work on just saying thank you.  Learning how to accept something and be humbled by that act of kindness and love.  Since that moment I have learned how to just be thankful and humble by these deeds.

Luke 2:11-12 "Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.'"

Yes, the day of Christmas may have sprung and ended, but the Savior, Jesus lives.

 Break was really nice. I'd like another one, two... five more of those.  I have no problem only have two days of school a week. maybe it should stay this way.  Alas, three solid school weeks lie ahead of many of us, for some, even more.  Long long school days...
Thanksgiving break was wonderful.  My sister returned home for the first time since school started back up again.  We watched a lot of the office.  Ate lots of food.  Went out to eat with the family.  Painted a friends room.  Saw the movie blindside (completely recommend it),  Had lots of sleepovers, Did some good black Friday shopping, and saw/talked to a lot of people I hadn't for a while.  It was a nice break.

crazy things that are happening for the next couple weeks...
~lots of homework, tests, and papers
~babysitting
~worship team
~christmas shopping
~a week full of doctors appointments before my surgery
~and lots of fun christmas things to come!
i hope all of you have fun and blessed filled Christmas's as they approach us!

tomorrow lies the first day of December before us.  Let's not forget the real reason we celebrate the twenty-fifth of this month.  God bless you all immensely.

and you answer...

some of you may have been wondering about my post a couple weeks ago.  so here i am, 2:30 in the morning, explaining myself.

I am overwhelmed:

grace has abounded my heart.  i have learned what it means to abide in the Lord.  although, this is something i have been learning for quite some time now, and I'm learning more every given day... I read an incredible passage that brought replenishing, dug down, tears; all this out of a book that I am totally adoring...
    "There are things you've struggled with all your life--self-doubt, anger, depression, shame, addiction, fear.  You probably thought that those were your fault, too.  But they are not. They came from the Enemy who wanted to take your heart captive, make you a prisoner of darknesss.  To be sure, we complied.  We allowed those strongholds to form when we mishandled our wounds and made those vows.  but Jesus has forgiven us for all of that, and now he wants to set us free." (Captivating).

• Things we've struggled with all our life-  laura story sings a song "grace." part of the chorus in that song goes... "I ask you 'How many times will you pick me up, when I keep letting you down? and each time I fall short of your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?' you answer 'My child, I love you...'"  God understands that we struggle.  Our struggles are an inevitable truth.  

• The burden of being at fault- God has patience and a loving heart for a reason.  The burden of knowing it was all your fault is not a good feeling.  The feeling of having your family look down on you because of your unmentionable past ruins your heart.  The burdens hurt; no one is there to pick you up it feels like.  Admit the fault, failure is our nature, we all have that feeling.  *Forgive yourself*.  As this is the hardest part of getting back up, it is one of the most vital parts--> There lies another chance ahead of you.  

• Be set free- He has given us this life to live.  God meant for it to be set free of chains that tangled us, jacked us up, and screwed with our hearts.  Whether you regret something you did two minutes ago, or years ago, it has already been long gone.  In God's eyes there is no such thing you did--He removes it from His sight.  Let his love set you free-- and be thankful to our Lord who loves us so!

Love you all! I hope your thanksgiving was beautiful, and shared quality time with family/friends.  (Also sneaked some good deals in, too).  God bless your new week, and I hope you will be refreshed with his love!

start of something new

so i guess you could say a lot of things have took a new meaning to me today. i'm on a whole new level. and it has been amazing. God has revealed himself to be loving, faithful, fruitful, forgiving, kind, patient, gentle, strong, a promise...

what would we do without this mighty and loving God? the God who comforts those in sorrow. the God who bring tears of joy. the God who cries because he loves us. the God who sits upon the mountain tops, and lower than the seas.  the God who is worthy.  the God who calls us worthy, even when we're worthless sinners.

i'll have to blog more later about all of this... i am just overwhelmed.  and i hope you become overwhelmed with his presence as well.

praying and loving you all.  have a great week!

captivating

i'm reading this book.  a very profound book, that is.  see one of my friends a couple weeks ago said, that it was a must read and gave it to me to read.  let me just say, ashley, i love this book.

as i keep on reading, i see a pattern.

• we want to be pursued, we want to be loved, and simply, that's how God wired us

we are loved: God gives us an abouding love.  He gives us astonishing, beautiful, unmatching love.  Love is something we all need, if we deny it or not, somehow we need love.  a lot of times, i think we just shove the love and care that is offered to us.  i think a lot of times we think we're stronger than we really are.  i think a lot of times, we want to look like the older, wiser, bigger person, which somehow we make ourselves believe that that concept starts with not accepting love and care.

we are pursued: Just this morning at church there was a testimony, and it was incredible.  "It's not God showing these bible verses, bibles everywhere to guilt me into trusting him, it's him showing me that he's pursuing me."

just that says  a lot.  God places things in our lives that show us that he pursues us.

so my question is: will you find yourself back in the arms of his love, where he pursues us every moment? the want, the desire, it's all in us. will you accept the ultimate gift?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~i am incredibly ecstatic, because i am leaving thursday morning for my cousins wedding which is on saturday!!

~my sister is probably going to china this spring/summer with her music school, crazy!

~God has proved himself faithful, even when i'm not. which i am so not. and he still pursues... he still wants me. even when i've so far forsaken him. what a great God!

have a blessed week!

i won't settle for comfortable

lately, i have been seeing a lot of hurt.  it is a hurting time.  the more and more i think about this, the more i realize life isn't perfect.  nor, would i want it that way.  if life was pretty all the time, what would there be to trust? why would there be such a thing as faith?  


the more people i've talked to, the more i've been blown away with how many people who are hurting.


and i feel uncomfortable.


some of the stories i can relate, but some of them i can't.  
and that scares me.


see, i will confess, i wasn't blessed with words of encouragement.  i won't lie.  that's not my strength.
so most of the time, i don't say much that's super profound. but God has been speaking to me the past couple of days as i've been encountering these things...


He's told me that i was given two ears. a lot of times, people just need to let it out, and need someone to listen.  now was i given this special gift either? no.  but through some circumstances i've been in the past year, i've learned how to listen. i 've had a desire to listen.  i want those who need to talk more than i do, to talk.
God has shown me a lot through listening.  it's truly a blessing.


He's told me to never be afraid.  God spoke through moses when he had no idea what to say to those people, and God said "trust me, i will give you what to say." in situations like that, it's so hard not to know what's going to be coming out of your mouth, but God gives words.  


God will bring you to uncomfortable situations, He calls us to bless someone else with his challenges.  bless someone who is hurting.  bless someone who is hungry.  bless someone who is angry.  bless someone who is tired.  bless someone who is down.  bless someone encouraged.  bless those to whom which God has placed in your life.  

"The day is what you make it."

"That's what faith can do."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Find rest, o my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him." - psalm 62:5

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you..." John 15:4 (remain as in abide, to live in)

"Never never never give up." Winston Churchill

------------------------

"When I can't walk, will you carry me? When I can't stand, will you take me by the hand, and pick me up?"

poem "My God" by: Elisabeth Oster

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

"Hope's not giving up."

"Don't go where the path may lead... Instead, go where there is no path, and leave a trail."

ten things

ten things i love/miss about autumn weather...

~studying at starbucks pretty much every week

~turning leaves

~cooler temps, warm hearts

~writing

~my mom's oatmeal chocolate chip cookies

~coffee

~apple orchards/getting pumpkins and gourds and decorating the house with them

~sleeping with 3 comforters and 5 blankets

~falling asleep listening to sigur ros, chieli minucci, or mozart

~reading by the fire place with a cup of tea (usually falling asleep).

"Character is proceeded through the things we enjoy doing, but also by what we do in action."

today is the day... my sister left this morning for college. (she's actually driving out east right now to pick up her violin in pittsburgh) aside the point, i can't see her until november unfortunately. pray for safe travels and a good start to her junior year. i leave on thursday for joni and friends camp. i am very excited to go serve another year! last year was just incredible to see how God moved so many people, and i am beyond stoked to go back! for those of you who are unfamiliar with the camp, it is a christian disability camp for families, and i will be an stm (short term missionary) hanging out with these awesome people. it will be stellar!

this past few days have been toughies... i got sick on food poisoning at my job on thursday - not a good day. my sister was kind and took over for me, but the puking didn't end for me there. i'm over that now, thank goodness! but now i am onto a cold...

on another note: i have been realizing so much about praising. every circumstance. every moment. every pain. every good. i heard a 90's song the other day (surprise surprise) and it was "let everything that has breath". now one of the verses goes a little something like this...

Praise You in the morning
Praise You in the evening
Praise You when I'm young and when I'm old
Praise You whem I'm laughing
Praise You when I'm grieving

Praise You every season of the soul

... and the point is that no matter what we're enduring we are to praise in someway. pain is hard. hurt is more than understandable. it's hard to praise when you're hurting. it seems impossible to give everything to God when you want sole control. but you hit a point where you can't take anymore... and sometimes you just need to let go.

i'll keep you with that. have a blessed week yall!

straight up

it's simple, we can't lie.
one lie leads to another. doesn't matter how small the lie. doesn't matter how non-harmful it is; we can't lie. smaller lies lead to bigger lies. big lies lead to destruction. little or big, they lead to destruction. hurt feelings and trust torn apart.

we can't find ourselves somehow not telling the truth, but yet still telling the truth. we're not just lieing to someone else, we're lieing to ourselves.

let the Lord challenge you to not lie. just don't lie. the truth may hurt, but the truth will set you FREE. no matter how horrible the truth may be; the truth sets you free from chains of death, hurt, and pain... that's the note i'll end on and take you here....

~boston = TOMORROW (i will be driving to Maine on wednesday in the middle of day after i hang around boston for a while. then on saturday i will be heading out to canada!)
~i love juice boxes... i'm convinced
~i'm in a war for peace...
~God will meet you where you are; you don't need to do anything, just come to Him
~pray continually