I have been writing a paper (more like preparation for a paper) on wisdom since the beginning of school. Everyone in the class got a word that which we had to research all of these things on it, highlight, slave over, group together, ect.
Well my word is wisdom.
I didn't think it fit me and who I am at all.
So as I began I highlighted all of these verses; grouped these verses of Solomon, Paul, David, ect...
I read more and more about these people and their wisdom. I got to thinking... 'God why don't I have wisdom and understanding like them like my friends why do I always feel like the stupid one who doesn't comprehend these kinds of things?'
Little did I know what was happening...
God was teaching me some things.
All throughout this year he has taught me to be a better listener. I was definitely scared at first... opening myself to something new. I have never listened like i've listened this year. I've observed and caught myself almost saying things when people are still talking... and I'm going, 'wow really, how could I be so rude?' People need a listening ear sometimes, and that's all they need. They don't need profound and out of the ordinary words. People just need you to listen. To some, this may sound like an easy task. Wrong. When you tell people that they can call you whenever (even in the night), they will. (Which I am ALL for, not saying it as a dread). But you have to be willing to do that, give up some of your rest, which, may seem wimpy and easy, but not when maybe you have a test the next day, or when it's actually really happening. You have to help them carry their load, and it's hard to hear awful and horrific stories... It can sink you down a little bit. A think though I have learned.... It's all worth it. There hasn't been a moment where I've told myself... 'why the crap are you doing this?' I may grieve from the stories and hurt from their tears... but the thought of why I'm doing it has never crossed my mind.
I have learned and inherited much wisdom.
I love and dwell on the topic of forgiveness a lot... as some of you readers may know... This year as well, I have encountered situations where I have been put in the position of forgiving some which are close to me, family. In my heart I needed to forgive. When I first heard some of these things I automatically judged. I didn't want to let go of my grudge. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't let it get in the way, I was just going to keep it the way it was. That soon caused problems - God thought otherwise... at the time, I was reading a book called "Captivating" by Stasi Eldredge. Probably one of my all time fav books. The next section was forgiveness. It talked about self-forgiveness, and then forgiveness of others doings. I thought... 'How could I be so judgmental and rude, when I have fallen so far myself?' I was on a plane reading this... with little and quiet tears falling down my face. God was healing me of my own failures through these, and in these.
I was learning wisdom.
One last thing... We all are learning wisdom constantly. If there is one last thing that I could take away from this... We never stop learning wisdom. We never ever can stop learning and gaining wisdom. There isn't a point in life when we hit the jackpot and stop failing, stop holding grudges because we have gained and learned the max amount of wisdom. No. We never stop. It's a blessing, though, to gain what we can and build what we do off of it.
I'll leave you crazy cats alone. Sorry for the incredibly long post. Please (and if you want), leave some feedback for my paper... you can totally go against what I said if you disagree, too. Thanks!
Love you all!
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