blessings.

.friends.

i have been struggling.

i have been in pain.

i recently have found out:

-i cannot play soccer this fall

+

-go to joni camp this summer

all because of the ACT.

these are things that i have been:

1) training for

2) preparing for

3) passionate about

4) looking forward to

5) planning for

and all of those:

plans, passions, excitement, etc have been wiped from me.

it is so hard to explain to others.

it is so hard for them to understand.

it has been hard.

some don't understand.

some do.

some have reached out.

some have closed doors.

some have comforted.

some have walked away.

i have been hurt.

i don't know why

God's will for me

was to suck at

test taking.

i maybe will never know.

but i want to say this:

through the decisions,

a huge amount of praying, reading my Bible, and journaling have

gone through the processing.

i have grown.

now, laura story sings a song: blessings.

 this song has helped me realize that God is on my side.

He, in reality, is blessing me. and i am just blind to it.

He will reveal, He will prevail.

What if your blessings count the rain drops?

What if your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you are near?

What if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise? 

When friends betray us,

When darkness seems to win, 

We know the pain, reminds this heart

THIS IS NOT, THIS IS NOT OUR HOME

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for YOU." --1 Thessalonians 5:16-19

it's still hard to know i won't be fighting with the team that i have been

telling for over a year..."I am so excited to play and defend on this team."

it is still hard to know that the camp i have worked at for 3 summers straight,

i will not be attending. the camp where i grow tremendously. where i see

how much i have...how much people with disabilities give me a passion.

God's children.

but...i have God on my side. this is not my home, eternal life is coming. + my healing has come through many tears,

processing, praying, talking, and...listening.

lean on Him for life.

love you.