Are you raw?

This weekend has been crazy (well since Thursday night on through).

I babysat on Thursday night, then had a sleep over, then babysat on Friday night, then babysat last night... and the ice got so bad so I just slept over at their house.  Did not go to sunday school because the roads were so bad... and I hung out with the Virginia's.  So much fun.  Then I finally made it home... and did my chem and then went and babysat.

Tonight... honestly wasn't good.  It made me question why do I work so often with kids? (now I love these kids... not anything against them... nothing honestly).  But just all the weekends getting filled up... and not enough time for myself.  I was exploding.

This weekend I have also been listening to a song that I have just been singing over and over....

Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North.

On my ride home tonight I started to cry... and as weird as it may sound to some... I just started to talk.  To talk to God.  I was raw and honest with my feelings.  I didn't hold anything back... I told God this is what I'm struggling with... this is where I feel empty.... this is what is happening in my family right now.... why do I always have to see the doctor.... and God knows all these things... but God loves hearing from us.  God loves when we decide we need to be raw with God.  

Anyone can know anything about anyone... but it really takes the person to confront someone about it and be real with them.

I asked God if he really wanted me to be with kids the rest of my life.  I am so convinced that my calling is to be a teacher.  Some nights I am convinced completely opposite... I just cry and am frustrated and I don't want antying to do with kids.  

Now I need to finish the rest of my story.... I arrived home feeling better after having talked to God about it all.  Then I poured a glass of oj and just plopped myself in front of my mom and started to blab about it all (like usual).  I cried because I was upset and frustrated at myself for being so blind and stupid.... My mom reassured me that she had moments like that when my sister and I were growing up.  I love my mom... seriously my hero.  

I felt so much better the rest of the night.  I know God will open doors and shut doors.  If God doesn't want me to be a teacher so be it.  If he does... he's gonna give me the tools I need.

All of this to say.... Be raw with God.  All the moments you have something you have on your mind.  All the times you're enjoying yourself.  all the times you're crying on your drive home.  all the moments in the world.... be raw with God.

Have a BLESSED thanksgiving!!!!

<3Reb