Pondering all day long....

This song by Starfield has been stuck in my head all day long.  It talks about having and wanting this discipline to listen, to obey, to follow... And I was thinking and pacing around in my mind.... All the days I've lived... there has been this God around me, wanting me to just invite him into my life.  Well now, 6 years ago, I invited the Lord to live with me.  On the road though... there are nooks and crannies.  Life is not perfect.  A lot of times in the morning, my alarm goes off... and the first thing I do is pray.  Pray for my day.  Sometimes I think I can predict if it is going to be a good day (depending how good I get out of bed), but I let myself go to... "no, God knows what's going to happen today..." and when I get into that mind set that God has control, my day turns out much better than planned.

More than ever, now, I have had that problem.  Living in myself having control.  These past few weeks have been some what difficult, and stressful.  There's been some family tensity, I feel like I've failed as a friend//leader, finals are approaching, and I'm just tired.  Now you may be wondering "Why are you writing this post at this time, then??" well, simply because I could not sleep without writing and putting some of these thoughts somewhere (because other wise they just circulate the mind for the night... ha. ha. ha).  

On Thursday, I was getting ready, flipping through my sister's iPod, and found some Sermons.  Some of which were from the Mars Hill Church in Seattle.  I listened to the podcast as I got ready that morning.  The topic was on Control and Planning. How ironic, this pastor is talking about needing to write down your plans.... then letting God revise.  Erasing, and putting new things in.  I'm standing there thinking... "I don't have TIME to write a schedule... I'm way to disorganized...." And I shut myself down before I could analyze and fully think of how this could honestly help me.  I think so much we hear or see something too big and our brains just shut down.  We believe that it's too big, and a waste of our time.  It's like me and square roots (we DON'T mix... well until this year that is), but I see a big # under that square root sign and I just shut down.  I loose that motivation and drive.  Neeerrr booom.  

So why are you writing this??  --> Simply because, I'm trying to take control of everything which is out of my hands... trying to commit to one too many things... and I'm getting tired.  My schedule is jammed.  There's no cuddle or leg room.  This has to come to an end... and It's time to let God tackle my plans.  It's time for Him to change what HE needs to change.  I can't keep living on my own timing, and what I think will benefit myself, because there is no way on earth my brain can overcome His ways.  He will bless me with injustice when I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders.  He will do things like this, because in the end he will CONQUER what is not right... he will judge and forever we will be with him.  So for life... I think i'll stick with his plans.  It will take a lot of faith, but I'm not risking my life by myself.

Peace out,

Reb