Captivating.

Last year I read a book titled: Captivating by Stasi Eldgredge (thank you, Ashley).

I have written quotes to hang up on my car door, on my bathroom mirror, especially one in particular: "There are things you've struggled with all your life--self-doubt, anger, depression, shame, addiction, fear.  You probably thought that those were your fault, too.  But they are not. They came from the Enemy who wanted to take your heart captive, make you a prisoner of darknesss.  To be sure, we complied.  We allowed those strongholds to form when we mishandled our wounds and made those vows.  but Jesus has forgiven us for all of that, and now he wants to set us free." (Captivating).

This has become my favorite quote of all time.  I have found myself in that bitterness and feeling of guilt that I have done something wrong- and there's nothing I can do about it.... I'm not a true woman for what I did, I am worthless and I don't matter.  Liar.

I lie to myself... I stress myself out over things that are false and blown way out of proportion.

I am a beautiful woman, I am wonderfully made... there is nothing that God cannot understand about me.  God sees my mind and understands where I'm coming from... sometimes I feel like the retard who doesn't understand anything - yeah, I can poke fun at it, and yes, God sees that I'm not top notch, but who cares.  

God knows that I want to be pursued.  That's a huge thing I learned from Captivating is that God knows that women want to be pursued and loved.  God is ultimate love.  God will pursue us, and give us all that we need/could ever want.

When your heart is content with God, you will truly see the captivating side of you.... and that is my goal- is to be okay with my quirks and failures, and realize I am still captivating.

Blessed.

Many of you may know the older song "Blessed" by Christina Aguilera. 

I was listening to this song on my early drive to school this morning.  I love older songs like that... and growing up I loved Christina Aguilera's CD. 
In this song she talks about how truly she is blessed.  She sees all the things she is blessed with and for.  A thing I have been closely focusing on in this year is being thankful.  This song gave me a thankful outlook on my day. 
::I am thankful that I laughed a lot today.
::I am thankful for the seniors and our last soccer practice today... so much fun.
::I'm thankful for hilarious people who say when you get cleated on the butt that you have a hicky on your butt (Props to Lexi Yaniero).
::I am thankful for spaghetti and broccoli (and dark chocolate).
::I am thankful that John Mayer decided to make music that is super soothing...
::I am thankful that I am going to take a bath tonight.
::I am thankful that REAL teachers want to help you
::I am thankful for sleep
::I am thankful for my family & my house.
::I am thankful for my friends.... the genuine spirits they bring to me.  And the help they offer to me (ashy e).
I am so thankful for many things and I am truly a blessed person.  I want to truly live... selfless, thankful, and loving.  Having the tools to do such, I have been truly blessed.

Brochititis...

Help from my mom and articles on the web, we self-diagnosed actue Bronchitis.  My cough has been going on for over a week now, and it's a deep one.  I've never had this kind of cough before.  It's making my lungs and passage way sore.  Bronchitis usually happens after a cold/flu or a sinus infection.  Ding ding ding! I just had a cold... so there you have it.  My life now consists of liquids 24/7, no social life, sleep, and still going to school.  The Bronchitis should be gone in about 2-3 weeks tops.  Love my life.  

On a lighter note, HERITAGE BEAT MAPLE GROVE!!! So proud of our volley ball team! You guys are honestly beast, and I don't know what I'd do without you guys.  Even though I wasn't able to go to the game, I was waiting in anticipation to hear how it turned out.  

I'm going to bed now.  Sleeping like a baby.  Then waking up, going to school early and finishing my test corrections/getting math help & starting my day off with tons and tons and tons of liquids! (Like I don't pee enough during a school day).... jeepers.

<3R

Sunday.

Today has been quite the flippy floppy day.  I loved this morning with those little kiddos to love on.  I called my momma after church was over and asked if I needed to stop and get something- and so I picked up milk & eggs @ Rainbow.  I arrived home- and the sun was shining.  My homework was already completed from yesterday (Aside reading the Metamorphosis).  Then I got a text asking if I would pick up Chipotle and go to a friends house.  That which I did, and the sun was being taken away by the gray allure of a blanket.  Before I went to Sunni's house, after I had picked up the Chipotle @ Ridgedale, I stopped at the Ridgedale Library because they had a book which I wanted to read.  I walked out with 4 CDs, and two books.  Win.  

As I was walking out I saw red and blue lights flashing and some guy being hand cuffed.  Scary.  I hate that all the police are out on Sunday afternoons.  I saw a total of 4 cops today.  

Anyway, After I hung out with Sunni, I stopped @ Aldi and got some good cheese.  I also got cancelled on for tonight's babysitting- but then I got a text saying "Hey wanna come to a bon fire tonight?" from a mom of whom kids I babysit- I get to chill, talk, eat food, and hang out with kids!!! How bomb is that? I'm pretty pumped.  And then I'll finish reading The Metamorphosis & go to bed.

Tomorrow I'll drop my dad off @ work, from which he'll take a taxi to the airport, I'll go to school, talk over my math, and enjoy Monday! (Or one of the Three wednesday's this week)!

College visits here I come!!!!

<3R

Sweet or Sour?

I have this choice in life to be sour.  I have this choice to be sweet.

I can take life how I want it; I can be sweet, or I can be sour about it.

Remember playing that game on the bus, growing up, named sweet or sour? It was always a blast picking fun at those who were sour and cold shouldered to our waves.  The people who were nice were all in it, not part way, but all the way.

We have seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years, and periods of time where the circumstance of life will be sour, but what will you do with that time? With those sour days where you want to curl up, go to bed and wish the day away? Will you let the bitterness and pain get the most of you or will you start to be thankful? God loves an open heart.  It's easy to be open on those days where life is great and beautiful- but utterly challenging on those days of despair.  

Today watching the girls Soccer team lose to Totino grace in overtime was extremely painful, to the fact that nobody saw the goal happen, and it was sudden death.  It was harsh and it was sour.  Teammates crying, a coach trying to gather the words to say, and I was left speechless- leaving that field quite saddened that the season was over.  I, though, let words come out of my mouth to encourage those who needed it- and thank all the people that I have been with all season, whom I truly adore.  I quickly realized that there was so much to be thankful for.  I let loose and let myself live a little.  Pain will always be present in the world somewhere, but it matters how you go about that circumstance- complaining and being upset over it for excessive amounts of time will not do any good.  Once you get past the shock it's time to do something about it.  I am proud beyond words to these soccer girls.
But back to my point- in life will you choose the sweet or sour? With all of the sour circumstances in this life will you thank or complain?

I love you soccer ladies... you were the best team to manage.  Ever.
& I love all you others, too!!
<3R

Studying @ Lunds!

My mom is having this little cute get together/party with these people she works with @ Church & so here I am, at Lunds, studying & eating mac and cheese.

 Feeling like crap/stomach ache/sinus head ache/coughing during soccer practice :(

 Then, I went to Lunds & found mac and cheese...

 ohhh tasty :)

This makes for a happy night & fuel to study!!!!! Here I come homework!

what makes me tick

i love 

(because i know the feeling of hate)

  i forgive

(because i know the feeling of guilt)

i pray

(because it's sometimes all i have left)

i cry

(because i'm a real person)

i believe

(because you offer hope)

i listen

(because it hurts to not say something)

i act childish

(because my heart is with children)

i run

(because i have a long race)

i laugh

(because my friends are silly)