dear blog readers,

i have officially decided

to "resign" from bekinderthannnecessary.

i have had this blog since 2009.

i believe it is time to move on...

my new blog address:

rebeccavold.wordpress.com

come read on some fresh thoughts! :)

thanks for reading on here

for so long! 

xoxoxo

draw your line

i have been slightly obsessed with

listening to beth moore podcasts lately.

her lessons and words mold together

to create such beauty and truth.

i am in awe.

one she was speaking about was:

revisiting regret.

how we can walk away from

something that we did,

and yet get back into

the mind of

"I'm sorry, Lord. I'm sorry.

I was so wrong.

I am a sinner."

story of my life.

the regrets of things 

that were committed 

years ago, still haunt.

but you know what she said?

she said...

then next time you want to

say that you're sorry for that

sin, don't.

say instead:

"thank you."

Thank you for redeeming me,

Thank you for setting me free,

Thank you for loving me.

Satan will not want to

be around you any longer.

he.will.lay.off.you.

will you draw that line?
when is enough of

being regretful?
are you ready to move on?
i know i am.

that is all.

xoxoxo

I was reading anne jackson's blog this morning, and her words hit home.

she wrote about a sermon that she heard months ago.

the pastor was talking about the waves of an ocean on the shore.

they slowly make the sand smoother and easier to stand upon.

he took this illustration, and applied it to a persons heart.

anne jackson talked about her own heart. her heart was prickled

and hard to stand upon.

She kept on repeating one line the pastor had said: "The slow and inefficient work of God."

--we need to let God be those waves--

we need to trust God and let Him smooth out those prickles, and

sharp edges in our hearts.

He can do that. He is the ocean waves that slowly works and smooths on our hearts. 

bring that illustration with you.

peace.

tears in sight; good byes are not easy.

I was originally planning on posting during the camp, but no, that never seemed to happen.

I started many posts, and then realized what time it was, and went to bed.

I had an amazing two weeks. It was hard to get up every morning,

be at school by 8 (just like 2 weeks of school), be enthusiastic, and push myself through the days.

We went from 8am until 6pm. It was crazy. I realized how much I needed to rely on God for energy, patience, and kindness.

I get: ornery, tired, and impatient. Easily. It was a stretch for me. 

I found myself singing along to ktis whenever I was driving, reading my bible for something to remember each day...it was a growing experience. It was not this hard last year (to be as honest as I can).

A lot of that had to do with the age group. They were younger than last years group. It took that much effort.

All in all, I will miss them deeply. My small group was so sweet, kind, and considerate. I love them.

Last night was the closing ceremony. After the ceremony, I was not expecting tears at all. I didn't think they had as much fun as they actually did have. One of my girls could not stop crying. I drove her home, and she cried all the way home. It meant so much to me.

I think Monday will be very hard to see them leave. I know God has given them all a plan for coming here...and I just appreciate prayers for travels, and for changed hearts as they look back on their time here.

here is a picture of my small group and I:

This is us at the Capitol.

From the left: Betty, me, Tina, and Elten in the front.

have a fantabulous weekend.

xoxo

blessings.

.friends.

i have been struggling.

i have been in pain.

i recently have found out:

-i cannot play soccer this fall

+

-go to joni camp this summer

all because of the ACT.

these are things that i have been:

1) training for

2) preparing for

3) passionate about

4) looking forward to

5) planning for

and all of those:

plans, passions, excitement, etc have been wiped from me.

it is so hard to explain to others.

it is so hard for them to understand.

it has been hard.

some don't understand.

some do.

some have reached out.

some have closed doors.

some have comforted.

some have walked away.

i have been hurt.

i don't know why

God's will for me

was to suck at

test taking.

i maybe will never know.

but i want to say this:

through the decisions,

a huge amount of praying, reading my Bible, and journaling have

gone through the processing.

i have grown.

now, laura story sings a song: blessings.

 this song has helped me realize that God is on my side.

He, in reality, is blessing me. and i am just blind to it.

He will reveal, He will prevail.

What if your blessings count the rain drops?

What if your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you are near?

What if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise? 

When friends betray us,

When darkness seems to win, 

We know the pain, reminds this heart

THIS IS NOT, THIS IS NOT OUR HOME

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for YOU." --1 Thessalonians 5:16-19

it's still hard to know i won't be fighting with the team that i have been

telling for over a year..."I am so excited to play and defend on this team."

it is still hard to know that the camp i have worked at for 3 summers straight,

i will not be attending. the camp where i grow tremendously. where i see

how much i have...how much people with disabilities give me a passion.

God's children.

but...i have God on my side. this is not my home, eternal life is coming. + my healing has come through many tears,

processing, praying, talking, and...listening.

lean on Him for life.

love you.

Sunday's bringings...

Hola. Buenas noches.

I have not blogged in a while.

Today I got a lot accomplished.

From start to finish:

--Woke up

--Got ready

--Starbucks run

--Church service

--Came home and cleaned

--Ate brunch

--Went to GOODWILL (and got outfits for F2F camp)

--Came home and found out my phone was bust

--Went to At&t store w//daddy and got a crapola phone

--Came home, ate a little snack

--Went to OC house and babysat!!

--Deposited check

--Came home and talked w//my momma

--Showered

--Did my nails

--Now I am sitting in bed just relaxing =)

I am so excited for Language camp to start tomorrow!!

organic granola w//raisins cereal, blueberry yogurt, and chopped bananas with a cup of coffee for brunch. super super super good. mmmm.

peace + love

Whoever

is of God hears the words of God. The reason

why you do not hear them is that you are not

of God.

--john 8:47

convicting of my own heart.
i am praying for a softened,
worshipful heart.

peace.